Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   the moral of the Phantom of the Opera is that sometimes there’s this weird guy who is impossible to deal with

   Everyone criticizes the Salem Witch Trials, but we haven’t had a witch attack in over 350 years.

   I find it hilarious how adults parrots these childish insults about other people. I guess they hate adulthood and want to be children again.

   A friend is typing..........A friend is typing.........A friend is typing..........A friend is typing..........A friend is typing.......A friend is typing.........A friend is typing........A friend is typing...........A friend is typing......... Hey!

   If you think cow farts are making hurricanes stronger, you might be watching to much CNN.

   Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna.

   Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?

   santa's overated.

   There are two genders: One goes to a gynecologist and the other goes to an urologist. All the others need a pyschologist.

   I really don't understand some people. They tell everyone to think for themselves and have your own freedom, yet they like bring told what to do by a fat, orange man. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

   Break the monotony of your uber driver’s day by saying “sorry about your car” as you get out

   Budweiser tells the league to suspend Peterson, and they wonder why the NFL is failing. Who cares of aa player spanked his kid, seriously.

   I may have a big ego, but at least it's not, "use a sharpie to alter a National Weather Service Map because I couldn't handle speaking in error" big.

   If your main concern is what pronouns people call you, then you are one of the most privileged people in the world.

   Why did I hate the Superbowl Halftime Show? It's exactly what you are thinking.

   R.I.P to my normal sleeping pattern during this festive season.

   Dude with a 2 x 4 tonight said he was gonna beat the stupid out of me,I told him to come back with a bigger stick

   White house report: Trump to pardon himself this week........ oh ! My mistake, it's a real turkey to be pardon.

   Dear Mr troll some cure disease in life some stop wars you have been able to destroy a fun site to visit. Maybe you can move out of nanas basement next.

   Imagine how screwed Chris Rock would have been if all the other guys banging Jada Pinkett rushed the stage too!