Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm sure that I'm not alone in this. My whole life Frosted Flakes has been my favorite cereal. I keep it in my freezer as the cereal says Frosted.

   liverpool u've never been this close, but that crystal comeback was sensational reminds of liverpool vs ac millan

   ou know what material this is?" [Grab your shirt] "Boyfriend material"

   I feel sorry for Perrier water, they were the only ones for a long time...

   The ABC's to a good marriage: Air conditioning, Beer, Could you shut up for a Damn minute so I can Enjoy my Good High quality Imported Jeggermiester and Kill L33t Moronic Noob Opponents Playing Quick call of duty Rounds.

   EGG hunt, no homo.

   Like if you remember San francisco riding gear jeans

   Its a Stripper on Stage with a Hospital Bracelet on! This B1tch discharged herself to come make it Clap Tonite!

   Lol at Labron... seemed very confused with what the word "redemption" means... as he avoided the question.

   I'm Canadian and ham is pig and bacon is bacon. Enough said.

   Don't worry ladies - I wear condoms on my fingers when I upd@te my st@tus so you won't get pregnant.

   roses are red and violets are blue my fat doesnt hang down to my crotch how about you

   Just because you're a Navy SEAL doesn't make your sister pretty.

   COFFEE: The original first responder.

   I’m at the age where I have to stop myself from roundhouse kicking someone who says they’re soooo old when they turn 40.

   When I see a guy wearing a man bun and a mask, walking into a store. I like to hold the door open, establish dominance.

   If a woman marries a man who already has grandchilden, does that make her an Instagram?

   Who wants to go pull on some push doors with me??

   The check engine light came on inside my oven.

   commercial: get one diamond for your best friend, and one for your true love me: why would my dog want a diamond