Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You ever wonder what the person on the other side of the mirror is wondering about you?

   When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets

   You can do a thousand GOOD things and a a hundred GREAT things. But if you do just one BAD thing, people will remember you for that.

   WHY DO OLD PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEY GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, BUT YOUNG PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEIR DAYS ARE LIMITED....?

   never made a fool of any guy that I dated. But then again, I the guys I dated were the "do it yourself" types.

   My second favourite household chore is laundry. My first favourite is being hit in the head repeatedly by the ceiling fan blades until I faint.

   Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.

   thinking about the similarities between men and soap operas. They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.

   ...and then Buffy staked Edward. The end

   using the copy machine at work today. Thought to myself, "Gee, this thing reminds me of men. It's only good for reproduction."

   at the bank speaking with the teller about Gov't bonds. No surprise the conversation turned to men. After all. both take so long to mature.

   Wouldn't it be nice if the ATM just shot out an extra $20 every once in a while.

   I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.

   ♫ ♫ My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard, and they're like you wanna trade cards?♫ ♫ Darn right, I wanna trade cards, I'll trade this but not my charizard... ♫ ♫

   hyou're obviously too stupid to read back through all the wacko liberal posts of the last few days

   • I've just been told that the invisible man and a ghost are going to have a fight... But I just can't see that happening.

   Im a good enough person to forgive you, but not stupid enough to trust you....

   Girls having more guy friends because they cause less drama...

   Miley Cyrus is going to coach and mentor the Top 11 Finalists on American Idol...In related news, the same agent has booked Tiger Woods to be the mentor on The Bachelor ...

   Men may have created fire but women have discovered the art of playing with it..