Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6055 of 6370
I pledge resistance to the Czar of the Divided States of America, and the Communism for which he stands. One Socialist, without God, divisible with healthcare and welfare for all.
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03-24-2010 12:11
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Because of The Hangover, the way I say "retard" has forever been changed...
nothing tears a family apart like pack of wild dogs.
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03-24-2010 12:00 by MG
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hiding hulk behind his zipper!!!
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03-24-2010 11:53 by Shaqman
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why is it whenur watchin a movie and some one says"dude did you see that" no I payed $6.00 to sit and watch the floor
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03-24-2010 11:14
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A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows.
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03-24-2010 10:38 by MG
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Tomorrow, I'm gonna write a blog post about procrastination.
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03-24-2010 10:18 by The FRED
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wonders if retail stores in Afghanistan have a hard time taking inventory because of the tally ban.
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03-24-2010 10:00
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hopes Rush Limbaugh remembers to squeeze his fat a*s aboard Oxycontin Airlines and leave the country like he promised, now that health care legislation has been signed into law.
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03-24-2010 09:57
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Sometimes I think I'm a genius. Then I realize I've already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to ted kennedy
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03-24-2010 09:06
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Somehow, my inner beauty's not increasing my confidence when I'm walking into the sauna.
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03-24-2010 09:04 by enchant
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thinks it's funny how a self - examination for testicular cancer easily turns in to masturbation
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03-24-2010 08:05
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"So this is how democracy dies, with thunderous applause..." - Star Wars Episode III
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03-24-2010 07:45
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would like to sublease his FB wall. He's still trying to find a way to make money here.
I'm fed up of people challenging my ethics and saying I don't do enough to better the world. Even my coat is recycled, It used to be a leopard
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03-24-2010 06:42 by Y.P
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those acorns in my bag shrink when it gets cold.
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03-24-2010 04:24
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•If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
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03-24-2010 03:24 by kg
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not to happy with our Goverment and thinks there is some truth to the quote " What Lions they are Lead by such Lambs"
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03-24-2010 01:28
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Facebook is the only place where its acceptable to talk to a wall
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03-24-2010 01:16 by Dasha
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