GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages
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Page: 6 of 11
I decided to beat Black Friday and start my Christmas shopping early. *Runs Amazon van off the road
Jellyfish have survived 650 million years, despite not having a brain. This gives so many people hope.
Dear Facebook, stop asking me what's on my mind. We both know it's against community standards.
If you see me talking to myself, don't judge us. We're trying to talk ourselves out of doing something stupid.
I ate a kid's meal at McDonald's today. His parents weren't too happy about it.
You'll hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did.
My armpits smell like garlic bread. Me, flirting
When you die people cry and beg for you to come back. But when you do, there's the running and the screaming.
People's driving skills got me looking both ways at green lights!
The biggest mistake people make in a relationship is giving their heart to someone who needs a brain.
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never get to keep the house.
Why is there enough asphalt for speed bumps but not enough to fill potholes?
My car clock is finally right again. My patience really paid off.
Pro tip: Save business cards of people you don't like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write "sorry" on the back and leave it on the windshield.
My class essay on internal organs was too short. So I added an appendix.
A Disney fairy tale has the line "And they lived happily ever after". A modern day fairy tale has the line "If elected I promise."
Dear Santa, I was good at being NAUGHTY. Does that count for anything?
You know they once made a movie about constipation, but it never came out.
I went to the grocery store today and the cashier said my total was $208.47. I wanted a second opinion so I went to self checkout and my new total was $43.20.
Everybody hates a cliffhanger because of the
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