Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 6 of 6056

   messageicon I love talking to small children. No adult is ever going to ask me what my 3rd favorite dinosaur is.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:27 by Markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your Dr. says "I'll need to Google that"..... it's time to change Doctors
←Rate | 12-21-2017 17:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s Thursday… or as I like to call it, “Day 4 of the hostage situation.”
←Rate | 01-05-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Facebook stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. 😂
←Rate | 12-07-2018 22:51 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At my age, I still do dumb stuff, but only slower.
←Rate | 03-01-2019 12:48 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve done some terrible things for money...... Like getting up early to go to work. ‬
←Rate | 06-17-2019 09:21 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Police in Florida have arrested a man who said he finally achieved his goal of shoplifting in all 50 states. You know what you call someone who steals from all 50 states? Congressman.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 06:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought my kids electric toothbrushes because it was taking too long to splatter toothpaste all over the bathroom w/the regular toothbrush.
←Rate | 08-25-2019 16:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm never more optimistic than when I put fast food restaurant sauce packets in the fridge and think I'm going to use them at some point.
←Rate | 09-24-2019 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can always tell someone's age by watching them get out of a car.
←Rate | 02-27-2020 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re happy and you know it... wash your hands.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 08:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like to put out an Amber alert for common sense...
←Rate | 03-12-2020 12:24 by MrSharp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I swear we are fighting two pandemics Covid 19 and Stupidity.
←Rate | 03-26-2020 13:28 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon The reporter on CNN said that at the end of the day, the thing that will keep you safe is common sense. Some of you are in serious trouble.
←Rate | 04-01-2020 08:04 by Gripenfelter Comments (1)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: If you don’t have a mask, wearing a jock strap on your face tends to keep people at least 6 feet away from you.
←Rate | 04-27-2020 15:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Masks hanging from the rearview mirror are the new fuzzy dice.
←Rate | 06-09-2020 08:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it
←Rate | 05-22-2017 07:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
←Rate | 08-04-2017 17:56 by Otis Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him.
←Rate | 09-14-2017 09:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Stanley Cup finals will feature a team that represents a morally bankrupt city, that is built on corruption, greed and deceit, against the Las Vegas Golden Knights.
←Rate | 05-27-2018 17:55 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left