Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I was once in a band called Click Bait. You won't believe the kind of music we recorded. Track number 5 will blow your mind.

   . When Chewbacca needs to go does he use a toilet, or dose Han Solo take him for a walk?

   Where do babies like to go for lunch....... Hooters

   "I didn't tell you I was on my period because I didn't want it to stop you from coming thru" - SELFISH WOMEN

   Well!..my survival talk to a group of backpackers went very well last night!..they were all on the edge of their seats!

   new band idea: nippleback

   Sept.29 Nickelodeon (kids tv channel) world wide day of play. Turn the kids TV off and send them outside to play.

   before you know it, Amazon workers will be making Prime money

   I'm trying to get my MIL to go ice fishing before the ice get too thick.

   peter parker, bitten by radio-active spider: *donates $65 to NPR*

   ,Random is random. I do not know what random means. If your teacher asks you what is random, tell her random is random when it is random into random and random with bananas.

   I'm so high,I'm jamming with Hendrix and Prince .

   My girl has the crabs, I suggested fishnet stockings.

   Why is it friggen up if you put in a twitter neam

   Dammit .... I already broke my New Years Resolution

   Sorry Boss, I can't work I've got too much on my plate right now. You'll have to ask someone else. *Googles 'do koalas go to heaven'*

   I can't believe it's not February 29! What happened to February 29!?

   If any toys in Toy story died the kids would keep playing with them but the other toys would be playing with their dead friends.......creepy

   Probably the coolest thing about dating me is knowing if we have sex I'll recite Wikipedia pages to help educate you.

   "Did you know you can make any quote seem legit if you put a famous person's name at the end?"-George Washington