Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5876 of 6370
2 eyes to see... 2 ears to hear... 2 hands to hold... 2 legs to walk... but 1 heart? Because the other was given to someone else... for us to find.
► Play The Moments ▌▌ Pause The Memories ■ Stop The Pain ◄◄ Rewind The Happiness.
I told my wife Ii wanted a cheeseburger for dinner, she told me to make it myself... Looks like I'm eating cereal.
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06-04-2010 07:03
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Rated E for every one!!! wait.......
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06-04-2010 06:33
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Yes I'm going old and yes I'm going bold, I know because it's taking longer and longer for me to wash my face in the morning!
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06-04-2010 04:39
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There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
Two guys walk into a bar. I was one of them. I don't remember anything else..
believes that Facebook is a lot like a refridgerator. when you're bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there's anything good in it!!!!!
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06-04-2010 01:34 by VJ
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You can watch things happen, you can make things happen, or you can wonder what just happened." ~ Phil Harris RIP
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06-04-2010 00:38
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It's official: Sarah Palin has now written more books than she has read.
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06-03-2010 23:59
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Just once I'd like to see a Congressman resign by saying, "I regret everything but the blow jobs. They were awesome."
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06-03-2010 23:54
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Megan Fox will not be acting in Transformers 3. The same was true in Transformers 1 and 2.
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06-03-2010 23:54
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Angered by steroid accusations, Lance Armstrong threw a car at reporters.
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06-03-2010 23:53
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Bin Laden sees what BP's done, and he's like, "Man, I've got to step up my game."
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06-03-2010 23:50
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BP's latest strategy to stop leak, Operation Fingers Crossed, doesn't instill much confidence.
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06-03-2010 23:50
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The BP president said that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is fine'
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06-03-2010 23:49
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BP Consulting with Toyota about Making Things Stop
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06-03-2010 23:49
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Dear BP CEO: You can have your life back as soon as you fix that pipe.
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06-03-2010 23:46
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All the problems in out country right now and our President is playing more golf than Tiger Woods!!! FML.
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06-03-2010 23:41 by Mile
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U can close ur eyes to things you don't want to see, but you can't close ur heart to the things you don't want to feel
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06-03-2010 23:23 by mphillips
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