Funny Status Messages

   Marriage tip #1 & #2: Sleeping on the couch with the dog isn't all that bad. It kind of reminds you of camping out.

   Super Bowl parties are great! (If you aren't into football.) I'm into football, so no thanks.

   Love becomes weak if it is not strengthened by truth. Truth becomes hard if it is not softened by love.

   This November I'm voting for the candidate who will bring back the original Four Loko recipe that killed those college kids.

   "That's one small step for man ... One Giant leap for mankind" .... Melania Trump

   If you want to recruit people to do whatever you tell them, get the ones eating fast food seafood.

   My debit card isn't the only thing I wanna tap tonight.

   Dog puts cupcake on my nose and tells me to "stay"....

   Ironically, this is probably the first time Melania has seen him nude.

   LAKESTALKER's SMARTASS COMMENT FOR THE DAY: Whoever came up with the phrase, "The freaks come out at night", have clearly never been to Walmart during the day...

   If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I’m very skilled at shooting aliens this wayPro tip #27: if Suge Knight is at the party you're at, go to another party.

   Bladderrash Counterhatch in the streets. Benedict Cumberbatch in the sheets. You don't get it? Me neither. I just want him in my sheets.

   You've a Land Rover, a Land cruiser but still have a Land Lord. Sister your weed is too much

   Southers New Year's tradition is to eat black eyed peas, hog jowls or ham hocks, and collard greens on New Year's .

   Thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, then realized it said "THICK CUT"

   People who don’t know the difference between your and you’re need to get there grammer act together.

   Had the most amazing dream of my life last night I feel as if was like a revelation that could change my life and possibly the lives of millions of people around the world for the better forever! if I could just remember what it was about?

   transparent- noun, when your child is transgender, you are their transparent

   When it's all said and done, the world in Endgames was saved by a rat.

   Greta brought to you by who eles used blonde hair girls with braids