Funny Status Messages

   You know what baby you have been with me through all the bad times.When I got fired you supported me,when my business fell you were there.When I got shot, you were by my side.Well now that I think about it I think you bring me bad luck!!I think

   You know you're in trouble if your doctor smirks as you sign a contract.

   Why don't people scream when they get stabbed in movies?

   The DNC is going to be so interesting that BLM leaders are going to stop shooting Africans to watch.

   the bad news for The Donald is that p#ssy is one of the few things that sticks to teflon

   Who has no heart, brains or courage? The tinman, scarecrow and lion. Who did you think I meant?

   Peter Fonda died. Let me guess, Hilary killed her too?

   I'm thinking of opening up a restaurant called "meatballs and tea" and have billboards on the highway advertising it with the slogan "even if you don't like our balls, you can still come in for a tea bag"

   Hey! Who remembers seeing men on tv ripping phone books in half? Hey! Who remembers phone books? Hey! Who remembers men?

   I shouldn’t repeat idle gossip from the neighbors but I just heard arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf

   My wife is now fully vaccinated so I use her as a human shield wherever we go]

   Actually, Trump didn't fire the entire pandemic response team in 2018 because he hated Obama. But I do remember when their planned budget cut happened so they could focus on real issues. Coronavirus lies.

   OK 2016 there are still a few days left ... so I nominate Hillary and the Kardashians just to ballance things out ...

   Too bad these communist Russians cannot hack their economy and make it great.

   I thought it was cool when Superman visited Bizarro World where up is down and yes is no. But in a comic book. Not the White House.

   The reason Trump won't release his tax returns is religious. He doesn't want us to mock his profit.

   The bright side of Trump eradicating the ozone layer is even with melanoma and retinal cancer, we can all enjoy the pretty polluted sunsets.

   The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 7 hours of sleep.

   The government is not paying scientist to come up with fake scientific information for the fun of it. They don't want to misinform the world just because it's funny to do.

   How to Find the Leaker in 4 Steps: 1) Close your eyes 2) Stand in front of a mirror 3) Open your eyes 4) There’s your leaker!