Funny Status Messages
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Rick Perry has only done 3 things as Energy Secretary: Deny climate change, attack a gay student, and... I can't remember the third thing. 
Because the military is land of the free home of there brave, and pride month is a man that talks like a fairy and wears a man bun and probably paints his nails. Just sayin'
When I was a kid we were so poor I had dandruff flakes for breakfast.
BREAKING: Donald Trump fires Corey Lewandowski as campaign manager, plans on replacing him with Gary Busey.
I'm pretty opinionated for a guy who walks around the house talking to his dog in a Hillary Clinton voice.
France must need a communist in office to step up to the plate.
So ticket resellers are selling tickets to Charlie Sheen's show at a 75% loss. Why would the average American pay $52 to see something they can read on Twitter for free? Losing. duh.
What a woman wants is what you are out of. She wants more of a thing when it is scarce.
It's so Hot my ice cream is melting in the freezer
That awkward moment when you chilling in a park and Bruno Mars walks by dragging the piano ;)
ahhh where the hell is spring? if you see her around tell her to come see me immediately
Have you ever called to make payment arrangements on a bill, and forgot you already paid it? Me neither....
English fans are so soccer crazy, they are even having pre-season hooliganism riots!
Why cant Govts, like husbands and boyfriends, simply say sorry and defuse a crisis before it goes out of hand???
moves like jagger
I love women's mentality "I said 'leave and never come back' but all I really want is you to stand outside my window throwing pebbles screaming 'I'm in love with you'!" - Taylor Swift
A history of 9/11 this weekend. I'll be watching. Peace: the ultimate want. If everyone would bend, we'd have this... CJ
Got my heart broken recently...makes me wanna crack their skull....afterall fair is fair....right?
If you're a British actor and you weren't in atleast one Harry Potter movie, its time for a little self evaluation on your career choice
Final destination she says. All destinations are final. Not need to use final there lady. Thats what the word means, destiny = final. If you haven't got where you're going, you're not there yet! 