bego Funny Status Messages

   Phone on silent. 10 missed calls. Turns volume to loudest. Nobody calls All damn Day.

   Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.

   I don’t have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow

   Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above

   When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.

   Dear CocaCola, McDonalds, and other massive companies, unless you have a new product for me, stop showing me commercials. I didn't forget about you. I have never stood at a vending machine and thought, what's that thing in the red can? I promise.

   How come the week always lasts longer than the money you have?

   Saying “I forgive you” is the kindest way to tell someone: “I still think it's your fault.”

   Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.

   Graduation speech: I would like to thank Wikipedia, and copy/paste. - I'm out bitc$es

   When advertising your business on the side of your car it’s a good idea not to drive like a complete as&hole

   I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.

   Yup, My girlfriend went out for drinks with the girls from her work... Can't wait for her to get back and tell me EVERYTHING that's wrong with me.

   Just bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.

   Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!

   If girlfriend has no texts in their phone history, you are totally being cheated on.

   I hate it when I'm trying to kill a spider but then I lose track of it and I become a victim in my own home

   Oh, the good old days before Facebook, when you didn't care whether anyone "liked" you or not.

   I feel like when someone in a heated argument turns to me and says "You agree with me right?" What they are really asking is "Am I going to have to yell at you like this dumbass over here?"

   There's too many people out here who have the balls to state their opinion. But not enough balls to be that person who makes ish happen.