Aaron Funny Status Messages

   I stared at the moon for an hour before I realized it was a toenail clipping that had stuck to the window.

   She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

   as Vice-President of Toyota I would like to say please dial 1800-our-bad.

   Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?

   "In this same office, firing you." - Best answer to the "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" job interview question.

   Just tried to cook something from scratch and ended up summoning a demon.

   I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.

   Nice try speed bumps, it's a rental.

   Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don't understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.

   If I was a cab driver, I'd whisper "I could have kept you" to passengers before they got out.

   Do fleas ever wonder if there's life on other dogs?

   I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."

   Guess I better get some sleep. I have to get up in 10 minutes.

   I was escorted out of the funeral before I was done high fiving everyone.

   The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.

   If you take a trip around the world and calculate the different time zones just right, you can pick yourself up from the airport

   Theoretically if China went to the moon and knocked over our flag what would we do about it

   someday i'll get that abacus. you can count on it

   Sorry I hung up on you, I didn't mean to answer the call.

   The winds of change can blow me.