Monday Funny Status Messages

   In honor of Cyber Monday...my pants are 75% off...

   I had a choice tonight to either watch the Redskins lose on Monday Night Football or clean the toilets in my house. Since I didn't feel like throwing up this evening I'm cleaning house

   Alright Monday what kind of bullsh*t you got for me this time.

   funny jokes must be a Monday thru Friday job. zzzz

   If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where I can return Monday.

   Interviewer: Why should you work here? Waiter: I believe I am capable of bringing a lot to the table. Interviewer: Can you start Monday?

   Son came home from school and asked what "ostracized" meant.. Of course I told him its a unit of measurement for birds.... *now I've got another parent/teacher conference next monday*

   When you're driving to work on Monday morning just remember that Floyd Mayweather made 41 million dollars tonight.

   If Monday was a person it would be a fat ginger girl who likes horses and tells the teacher when you cheat.

   Friday is like the bacon of the work week salad, and yes, Monday is like the brown lettuce

   There's nothing worse than getting crop dusted by the gay guy at work on a Monday morning...

   I am tried of 7 day weeks and having to wait for the weekend. I think the week should be as followed. Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Get rid of Wednesday and Thursdays. . .

   Never trust someone that smiles on Monday morning.

   I don't blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers :/

   Monday. What a horrible way to start the week.

   i woke up on the right side of the dirt this morning and for that I am thankful. now as I dont watch the morning news I will stay happy. Happy Monday to all my frienemys

   Dammit! I tried, I really tried, but Monday still found me.

   Just name the damn royal baby Monday since everyone hates it already.

   It's Friday! That means just two more days until Monday.

   Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I'd prefer something else.