Funny Status Messages

   A nwe sutdy porves htat hte hmuan barin cna tarsnlate an in-cmopleet snetence or a fargmnet of a wrod by piecnig eahc slyalbel of hte fargmnet toegtehr -tahnks

   thinking that the Canadian ice dancers did something that their hockey team couldn't do: beat the U.S....

   i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers I use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today

   can't help but laugh when he hears jackie chan in the new karate kid say "now take jacket off"......"JACKET OFF" ......now that's subliminal messaging!

   DNA: National Dyslexic Association

   When you go cow tippin', do you only tip 15-20% of em?

   Oh! What a proud time in American. Everyone in the world have seen the First Lady of the "Greatest Country of the World" naked. How is this making "America Great" again?

   7 earth-like planets have been discovered nearby, with growing fear of illegal aliens, Trump has decided to turn his wall into a dome.

   few people know that "trump" is a Russian word meaning "tiny handed buffoon who can't close the deal."

   My insurance guys slogan is I’m Zach and I’ve got your back… good thing his name wasn’t Rick

   it bugs me when an ugly girl has her one hot friend in every profile pic. It took me 3 weeks to realize I friended the dud

   Michael J. Fox show canceled. I knew from the beginning it was a little shakey

   *Looks left... *Looks right... * Crosses road,,, * Gets run over by a chicken...

   An ancient tampon was found in a cave in the Yucatan... Archaeologists are not sure which period it's from. The Doctor said, he saw something like that during Joans Rivers operation!

   America is the only country in the world where you can die from eating too much instead of too little.

   To be fair, a dogs butthole might taste fantastic and we've been judging them wrong all these years.

   Reasons why Game of Thrones is better than Breaking Bad: 1) Titties. 2) Dragons. 3) Bro do you seriously need any more?

   Ok peeps, I had a chat with Zuckerberg and convinced him to keep Facebook free. You are welcome.

   Female gamers need to get off their high horse. There are a million girls who like gaming, and it doesn't make them "special" or "cool". It just makes them a girl who happens to like video games.

   Rope: $7.50 Duck Tape: $2.75 Shovel: $12.98 Never having to see that b!tch again: Priceless.