Funny Status Messages

   I'm happy to say that my life is now plastic free! except for a few Tupperware containers and my Facebook account.

   So why did poor Sally sell seashells on the seashore when anyone could just walk along the beach and pick them up for free?

   I take spiders outside in stead of killing them because it's not their fault that I'm scared of them. I do however, scream while doing so.

   2017 is turning out to be one huge waste of time.

   I know it's early..but I often forget things, so I've just written my letter to Santa, warning him not to drink the milk at Bill Cosby's place!!

   my coffee this morning taste a bit Islamic

   Brexit, is a British expression. Translated into American, Brexit means "Money exiting my 401k."

   Sorry Britain ..... The United States won the "Exit Race" by leaving European control way back on July 4, 1776. However ... let's all celebrate our Independence this Independence Day!

   The female Praying Mantis devours the male immediately after mating ...... While a Human female prefers to spread it out over an entire lifetime.

   Question: Is military coup an option for the 2016 US presidential election?

   If Peter Parker's occupation isn't as a web designer in the new Spider-Man movie I officially give up....

   Bill O'Reilly has a good point. I mean, without slavery, some of those people could have ended working for a monster like Bill O'Reilly.

   Spoiler Alert!!! If you're reading this, you're a huge part of the problem.

   Did you know that women named Laverne can give you a blow job with or without teeth.

   Finally joined Tinder 'cause I've always wanted to date a white girl named Jazz.

   [Ship Sinking] Captain:We're short on boats, so women & children first... *Guy rubs chin *coughs* I identify as a woman.... Men echo:I'm a woman too!

   It's not called looting under this administration. . .we are calling it revenge shopping

   My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

   OK ...... Somebody wake up the guy from Green Day ..... September just ended .....

   A coworker stopped by to inform me she had lost 30 pounds. As I watched her walk away I realize I had just found the 30 pounds.