Funny Status Messages

   During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.

   I'm the person Republicans are taking about. I own a hundred iPhones and my body is dying. I refuse to buy healthcare. Please get me another phone.

   The Ieft has big vocabularies; the right has big bank accounts. Guess which one pays the bills at the end of the month?

   Donald Trump has no political experience. Meanwhile you need 5 years experience for an entry level management position at Chili's.

   How to trick an idiot → (Click here for more...)

   Sometimes when I pee I whip it out a little to aggressively and the urinal is all like, "Woh, big fella."

   I guess Jesus was the first kid that got to celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas.

   "I wasn't that drunk" "Dude, you were arguing with yourself over the phone and got upset when you hung up."

   There are no "good people"....Only good bullsh*tters.

   garlic burps are sexy.

   When I think of terrorism, I think of lynchings, dogs, bombings, assassinations, slavery, chain gangs, Jim crow..not poor Afghans villagers

   Parents, you can help end childhood obesity by teaching your kids how to smoke cigarettes.

   Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go Jesus. It's yer birfday. We gonna party like it's yer birfday. We gonna sip some egg nog like it's yer birfday. And you know we gonna give some gifts cuz dats yer birfday.

   For the first time since the early 90's, Whitney Houston has everyone talking about her latest 'Hit.' :/

   The best part about it being monday is Monday Night FOOTBALL! yeah buddie :)

   BBC News: "Plus size women worth $10 billion to the fashion industry." Nothing compared to what they're worth to the food industry...

   Just ran into my ex at the store. He has a wonderful new girlfriend now. Much better than I ever was. So I told him I had half a sandwich in my car and did she want those leftovers, too.

   Dear kids, There is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents. Sincerely: WIKILEAKS

   NBA = Nlggas Balling Again

   Cotton is getting expensive huh... If only there was a way to get people to pick cotton for free...hm