Funny Status Messages
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Well as tomorrow approaches, November 1st. I can start growing my taint hair for "No Shave November." Will you notice? 
Hey Rob Lowe,,, You should have called,,,, I would have loaned you a couple of bucks!!
Guy, EVERYONE. Listen. I'm going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
I would rather be known in life as a honest sinner than as a lying hypocrite.
A couple in their 80's decided to date. The woman asked the man right off the bat about sex. "What about sex....how often do you expect to have sex?" The man said, "In-frequently." She goes, "Is that one word, or two?"
"I'm dreaming of a white...easter," said no one EVER!
Reflecting on my life... I'm really surprised I haven't been shot in the face.
If I ever send you LOL, you should know I prolly faked it! :P
You CAN'T tell me that "Wendy Williams" Has Never, Wrestled For WWF.
Some things just never change. You know that kid who used to steal your favourite toy only to break it and throw it away? Now he is the douchebag who steals your girlfriend, use and break her heart then dump her.
For xmas my wife is getting SWIFFA so she can have fun while cleaning too.!!!
BBC News: "Man critical after Specsavers car park crash." He should have gone to . . . Oh
heading to Zanesville, OH for some big game hunting.
survived Harold Camping predictions...
FUNNY T-SHIRT IDEA: "I survived another Harold Camping rapture prediction".
Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
You say I'm afraid of commitment, but maybe it's you that's afraid of total uncertainty.
It's hard to understand why eating a banana would be considered even remotely sexual. Sure, it can represent a phallic object, but if a girl devouring your pen!s turns you on then you have some serious problems.
Seen a couple jogging this morning, he had on black leotards and a black hoodie, not far behind she had white leotards and a white hoodie,. I couldn't help but grine reminded of the old comic strip spy vs spy
For those of you who were wondering why I have a belly, well I'm not fat, I'm just Full with love =) 