Funny Status Messages
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I don't think it's about religion anymore. Some people are just sadists, hiding behind the masks of religion. 
Hey dad, where are mountain lions from?... *dad panics*... Uhh...you see, son, when a mountain and a lion love each other very much...
pizza is the only love triangle I want
Happy belated birthday Jesus.
Vegetarian: An old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter." Vegan: An old Indian word meaning "really lousy hunter."
Super Bowl 48. Two teams from the only two states to have legalized pot. I can't guarantee who'll win, but I can guarantee that Frito-Lay is gonna make more $ than the NFL on this one.
"This was the best football game I've ever seen!" -Guy who's never seen a football game.
Hey you ok? I haven't seen you post a selife in like 5 minutes.
Not sure what's the bigger ball story of 2015. "Deflate Gate" or "Deflate Cait"?
We are only a few UFC matches away from two men getting each other pregnant.
Accidentally used my credit card instead of my hotel pass key and now I apparently own this whole building.
Yogi saw a fork in the road and took it! ~ RIP Yogi
Monday's don't suck... Your life does
The proper response to "Good Morning" is "Yeah? Prove it!"
Peyton Manning: "OMAHA! OMAHA!....Aaron Hernandez: "ATTICA! ATTICA!
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you wagging its tail, you're in love with a dog & it probably just had to sh*t.
Sorry for chest bumping Chuck E Cheese so hard he fell down and broke his arm, but in my defense the Kidz Bop version of Enter Sandman came on.
Sex so good you forget to take a selfie.
All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."
Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today. 