Funny Status Messages

   Stay classy Facebook.

   ...so you're talking and you feel like no one's listening at all? rip off a good loud fart. that'll get everybody's attention!

   Some git has stolen a pair of my wifes knickers of the washing line shes not bothered just wants the 22 pegs back

   a woman may be as wicked as she likes, but unless she is pretty it will not do her any good

   On FB I took "How Many Sexual Partners You Have in 2009/2010" quiz. Result:"None, because your lame a*s spends too much time taking douchey a*s surveys on Facebook when you should probably be at the bar looking for women who leave their drinks unattended

   People are posting all their feelings on facebook; well you wanna know what I'm feeling… I don't wanna hear about your sh*t!!!

   Hold your mother today, she was the first to hold you, she held you for 9 months.

   just gave the neighbour's kid a serving. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...so I threw a dictionary at him.

   Summer! Summer! Summer.. you make us beautiful and free spirited! ☼

   I'm not saying we ought to misbehave, but we should at least look as though we could.

   Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

   I hate when people say "have a nice day." Like I'm gonna be in anguish later then think "Oh yeah, Truck Driver guy told me to have a nice day."

   Your ex will leave you, talk bad about you, act like they never knew you, miss you, hit you up and wonder why you don't reply... F*CK YOU

   Just spilled a drop of my 5 hour energy shot. I'm guessing that means 4 hours, 22 minutes, and 7 seconds. Party on!

   Stop looking at your phone, he hasn't texted or called. But that's okay because he doesn't deserve a girl like you anyways.

   A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman...but a beautiful woman with a brain is a lethal combo.

   So many 2 x 4's ... So few studs...

   Wow! Bethenny Frankel just announced she's getting a divorce! Wait, who the eff is she again???

   choosing someone on a dating website is like deciding which STD you want...

   Awkward is when you're dancing with a girl and she bends over so you can grind it, then realize she dropped an earring and no one in the Starbucks can hear your iPod but you...