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Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will be far away from me with your bullsh*t.
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08-05-2014 14:32
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If you wear pants in your own home why did you even buy a house
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08-06-2014 01:47 by
Baddie
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“you look tired” is the politically correct way of saying “you look like crap”
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08-06-2014 10:37 by
@uxbridgeguy
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How much for the eternal loyalty & unconditional love? Ma'am that's a puppy
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08-06-2014 14:51
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I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
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08-06-2014 15:41 by
Buddy
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Tomorrow is "Drag your ex behind your car to work day".
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08-06-2014 18:42
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Wife swapping?..... Count me in... Here she is, you're in the middle of a divorce.
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08-06-2014 19:12 by
snotty
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I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
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08-07-2014 10:50 by
BEGO
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You sound happily in a relationship. UNFRIEND...BLOCK...UNFOLLOWED.
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08-13-2014 02:00
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No, the tear drop tattoo doesn't mean I killed someone. I just like people to know that I'm sad when I'm sober.
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08-13-2014 02:22
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The three basic rules to plumbing: 1. Hot goes on the left. 2. Cold goes on the right. 3. $h!t won't flow uphill.
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08-15-2014 15:10
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That moment when the woman you're dancing behind suddenly bends over so you can grind it, then you realise she just lost an earring... and no one else in Starbucks can hear your iPod.
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08-22-2014 13:16
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My pet rock didn't wake up this this morning....gonna have to bury it.
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08-23-2014 04:27 by
equaloppjoker
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"Figuratively ain't no sunshine but the actual sun continues to warm Earth when she's gooone" -Bill Withers, concerned about starting panic
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08-23-2014 06:42 by
andrew jackson
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the nfl: knock a woman out - suspended 2 games... drink beer - suspended 4 games...
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08-24-2014 20:10
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I am currently taking the cold beer challenge.
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08-25-2014 19:33
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When someone you hate gets shot: Omg is the bullet ok?
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08-27-2014 00:49
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When all else fails, go nude.
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08-27-2014 05:30
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Have you ever seen that show River Monsters? I just renamed it “1,000 reasons I'm NOT getting off the boat
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08-28-2014 21:52
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Dating site for overweight people: All you can meet.
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08-29-2014 22:15
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