Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You don't look as dumb as you sound though. At least you have that going on for you.

   If you have feelings for me,,, thats your problem not mine,

   White girls, show your parents how much you hate them by growing dreadlocks.

   Just returned all of my liquor bottles and now I’m deciding between a vacation in Hawaii or the French Riviera

   Did you ever notice how everything in life just keeps shrinking? Even in the Hip-Hop world. It used to be 'Biggie Smalls, Big Pun, Fat Joe. Then it was lil jon, lil kim, liil wayne. 15yrs from now its gonig to be, 1PAC, BalemicBob, AtomMike, SpermSpewed!

   The battles against women are won losing.

   You know how people look through medicine cabinets? I think that's weird. I personally would rather look through their fridge.

   why the hell are toilets so loud in the middle of the night waking everybody in the damn house?

   At this stage of the football season, all I care about is #s and food.

   Wishing death on someone ain't cool. Except when it's your ex, wish for a cruel death.

   I told my dog that if he keeps waking me up, I'm throwing my alarm clock away, sitting him on my night stand, and sticking a battery up his butt.

   Lord of the ring should be a club for married men

   A woman spits out 30,000 words a night, gets mad that you don't remember words 21,191 - 21,198.

   both of yall are idiots because southwest doesn't even know where they fly to

   Am I the only one that cringes when a catheter commercial comes on?

   Atlanta is being held up by Winterstorm De'Andre LaQuocious Roosevelt III.

   Scientists have discovered that there is intelligent DNA in some women. Unfortunately, 95% of them spit it out.

   because of the Polar Vortex.... I've been in a purely textual relationship

   Why Whiskey? Because sometimes happiness needs and opening act.

   The best part of this superbowl tonight was Facebook and Instagram!