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The only astronaut I can remember from the last 20 years was the one who drove cross country in a diaper because she was mad
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01-17-2015 11:10
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50 Shades Of Grey Has This Awesome Fantasy About Some Girl Who Gets A Job Right Out Of College.
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02-16-2015 13:49 by
TJK
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Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
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03-23-2015 13:09
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"Is that your dog?" "No, actually she's adopted... we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves"
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04-02-2015 05:36 by
flinnie
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Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
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04-12-2015 19:46
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Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
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05-05-2015 13:14
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You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
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05-18-2015 13:04
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Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
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09-22-2013 05:39 by
YODA
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People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.
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09-30-2013 14:12
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Bravo to the Capitol police. Atleast someone in Washington is doing their job!!
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10-03-2013 17:31 by
HiYourJon
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We'll look back someday and realize the rise of the machines began with automatic toilets flushing before we're done.
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10-05-2013 07:24 by
andrew jackson
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My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
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10-20-2013 07:42 by
snotty
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My life is like a romantic comedy expect there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes
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10-30-2013 15:57 by
Jackoo
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Dear guys named Jeff spelled like Geoff, what do you want from us?
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11-06-2013 11:54
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I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.
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11-25-2013 10:54
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Spoiler alert: Your '97 Nissan Sentra doesn't need one.
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08-08-2014 16:29 by
StonerDudee
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Sorry I invited the firefighters to your wedding, but I know a disaster when I see one.
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10-06-2014 02:36
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Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
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11-15-2014 00:28 by
Kisstopher707
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A new study reveals that parents who spend more time on their smartphones have more negative interactions with their children. While parents who spend less time on their smartphones are really mad that they forgot their charger.
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03-11-2014 19:35 by
Mark
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This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
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05-17-2014 10:19
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