Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
The sequel to the book Fear willbe TEARS he's still president. 
Where do I go to get my free crack pipe. . . Asking for a friend.
Android > BlackBerry > Nokia > Fax > Landline phone > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note taped to it > iPhone with iOS 11
After a night of passion, I told my new girlfriend that she was the frist one I've ever been with. She smiled and said really? I said yea, the other's were sevens and eights. :)
I would listen to everything Dana Loesch says because she's friggin' hot!
(inventor of the ladder) I’m gonna french kiss that giraffe
Sorry I robbed a bank, stole a car and snorted cocaine officer, it was the Ambien.
If the baby ain't yo color, Ya ain't the Daddy Brotha !
I kept dreaming about mufflers all night long mufflers, mufflers, and more mufflers. I woke up exhausted.
They said no texting while driving but they never said anything about glassblowing
My friend got fired from her job just for eating chips. I hope she can find another job in the casino industry.
My middle school teacher who yelled that “Wikipedia wasn’t a reliable source” every day is sharing vaccine conspiracy theories on Facebook.
A couple of million dollar ideas: 1) Boxers with pockets 2) A service that lets you throw a live shark from a speeding van
I'm at that age where if I hear a strange noise downstairs I'm too lazy to go investigate it and just think "Well I had a good run".
If coffee was a drug, my last name would be Winehouse.
What has red hair, big feet, and lives in a test tube? Bozo the Clone.
Maybe if you didn't act like thuggish and lazy pieces of crap there wouldn't be a problem
When sone one yawns , do deaf people think they're screaming
Just got a call from some Woman in Idaho. She wanted to know if I wanted to take a chance on an Indian Blanket? What does that mean?? I hung up. Last time I took a chance on any kind of blanket, I ended up with three kids and a mortgage.
Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed regularly, and for the same reason. 