smeebert Funny Status Messages

   before lady Di, I never heard of Paparazzi.., I thought it was a circus act or something

   Finally got around to filling out my bracket yesterday and guess what? perfect bracket so far

   I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

   Please don't tell China I know all kinds of Super Secret Stuff! They might send one of those Hot Chinese Spies to Work me Over!

   i can't believe it, Morley Safer tribute was on last week and not 60 minutes later he's gone

   Always leaves my toenail clippers open, never know when an intruder might show up

   my sleep number is 80 proof

   Thank you everyone ! In celebration of my birthday today - l will match any cash donations given to me.

   “Thanksgiving dinner price highest in 20 years” PLAN: I'm putting together a list of Thanksgiving invites......stop in say hi, hug everyone, grab a plate and go to next house, cheapest Thanksgiving in 20 years!

   Ozzy should not have forgotten to tell Sharon Happy Mothers day

   because of the Polar Vortex.... I've been in a purely textual relationship

   Guess what my doctor said I'm physically fit to become the next president of the United States!

   Well the pandemic unemployment is coming to an end here shortly so guess it’s time to get back to work, all these companies are all after me so shouldn’t be hard - electric company, fuel company, telephone company

   World Cup Soccer reminds me of poor mans hockey

   Don't forget to change your clocks tonight and to change your president on Tuesday

   What if it was April fools of next year when someone finally reveals to you the self quarantine ended 11 months ago.

   I’m famous someone took a picture of me it went virus

   finally its Jail for Whitey Bulger, brings a new meaning to tighty Whitey

   Why is it a serial killer could be chasing a person thru the airport and no one would even bat an eye

   First time I’ve been up early for Saturday morning cartoons in awhile.