jcgj Funny Status Messages

   Donald’s New Year countdown: 10, 9, 8… wait, is Greenland for sale yet?

   It takes a very special idiot to drive the worlds largest economy off a cliff in 7 weeks

   Trump says he’s all about fresh starts for the New Year—except for his hairline, that stays the same.

   Don't honk at me asshole, I'm not on my phone. I missed the light change because I was trying to get that last french fry at the bottom of the box. 🍟 😒

   I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss. 😁

   If the president-elect (Donald Trump) wants Canada as the 51st state, we’ll send him a box of Snow, Poutine, and Free Speech to remind him we’re better off up north.

   20 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Jonny Cash – Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

   I’ve been on Facebook forever! I remember when we had to plow our fields in FarmVille by hand—virtually, of course!

   I swear I can feel my brain buffering... please hold while I load my next thought!

   Just accidentally swiped right on my ex's profile while scrolling through Tinder. My thumb must have been possessed by the ghost of relationship past. Had to perform some emergency thumb CPR to swipe left!

   Boop Bop Beeda Beep Boop Lop Bee eezz ... YOU'VE GOT MAIL !! 📭😁

   Back in my day, we didn’t scroll—we farmed! I remember when this was all FarmVille.

   The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to wrap everything you own in tinsel and hope for the best.

   Beedo Boop Bop Beeda Beep Boop Lop Bleeda Bee eezz ... you've got mail !!

   Due to lack of punch buggies on the road nowadays, the new game is Tesla Sass Slap.

   BREAKING: The Edmonton Oilers just pulled an Ed the Zebra—broke loose, dodged the Florida Panthers, and soared into OT glory like they were being airlifted out of Florida.

   Tried using AI to create art. Now I have a picture of a horse with three legs and a coffee addiction. Modern tech is amazing!

   If you see me in the next few days, just assume I’m either shopping, wrapping, baking, or pretending I’m not panicking.

   Ed the zebra galloped across Tennessee. The Oilers galloped across Florida’s defense. Both ended up airborne—one in a helicopter, the other in OT euphoria.

   Taylor Swift on the News Again: “Breaking: Taylor Swift announces New Year’s resolution to release 12 albums in 2025. Swifties are now legally required to take out Taylor-themed mortgages.