Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 398 of 6370
i hate when people steal my ideas and post them before I think of them
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07-11-2013 02:33 by orani
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oh, your talking to me again? You must have just broken up with your boyfriend.
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
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08-01-2013 09:38
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I hate when I order a pizza online & it asks "Do you accept the terms and conditions?" I'm ordering a pizza, not launching a nuclear weapon.
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08-16-2013 13:50 by Baddie
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Dear retail stores. August 21st is too damn early for Christmas decorations. Take them down. Now.
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08-21-2013 09:22
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There are no bad pictures; that's just how your face looks sometimes.
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09-08-2013 18:37
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I finally found love!! It's on page 364 in the dictionary.
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11-09-2012 02:11
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I took a nap... Well, actually I was jumping on the bed and the ceiling fan knocked me unconscious,,,,,,,,,,,,,, But still
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11-12-2012 17:14 by snotty
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Whoever said technology will replace paper... has obviously never tried to wipe their ass with an iPad.
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
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07-16-2012 08:59 by K-Mac
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Think about how stupid the average person is,and then realize that half of them are stupider than that!!!
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end!!!
Women say magazines portray an unrealistic image of beauty therefore making them feel inadequate. Then they buy 12 inch dild0s.
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08-08-2012 03:39
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It's kind of cool how khaki Dockers and ugly people found each other
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
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01-18-2013 21:17 by BEGO
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Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
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02-26-2013 14:54
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It's too bad that Hugo Chavez passed away before he had a chance to meet Dennis Rodman.
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03-05-2013 18:04 by Ice dogg
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I just turned my keyboard upside down and shook it over my desk and now I don't have to go grocery shopping for at least two weeks.
Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying "sorry breaking up with you" or that a minute later she text me back "sorry wrong number."
My favorite Lil Wayne song is the one where he sounds like a constipated muppet trying to list off active ingredients in Children’s Tylenol.
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06-06-2013 10:03 by hiyourjon
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