Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Having too much sex can cause memory loss." I read it on page 37 in a medical journal on November, 2006 at 4:19 pm.

   You know your mind is already on the weekend when someone at work tells you they're giving away shots, and you assume alcohol before flu.

   Astronauts are the only people who followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.

   Just when you think you have buried the past, They find another Body...

   All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.

   "Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything"

   Sunday marks the birth of America, which Americans celebrate by combining their love of drinking with their love of explosives.

   Whenever I worry I've been wasting my time, I cheer myself up by remembering I have never read a Twilight book.

   When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing

   Facebook etiquette: Thou shall not hold a conversation under someone's status post.

   Write all complaints legibly in this space -> []

   Some people get so upset when you delete them from your fb friends list. What is the big deal it's not like we're real friends and hang out everyday.

   NOTE TO SELF: Remember not to discuss my personal life on FaceBook. And don't forget to pick up rash cream..........

   AOL has announced that they're going to lay off one-third of their employees. On the bright side, it's AOL, so they're going to do it slowly and with frequent interruptions.

   Would delete you, if I didnt have to keep the numbers up on my friends list, to impress my other friends.

   Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader

   I have decided that I am not overwieght, instead I am a nutritional overachiever.

   Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

   Something went wrong. We're working on getting this fixed as soon as we can. You may be able to try again. <--- Facebook's new slogan

   The more you watch Maury the less your kids look like you.