Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So 2016 Took a Prince and a Princess...Damn

   Too bad after 146 yrs Ringling Brothers Circus is closing. Well, there is always Facebook. . .

   Relax America. The Russians have now confirmed there was nothing going on between them and the White House. What more do you need?

   Well, Kanye West did marry into the Kardashian’s so you can just imagine the levels of stupidity in that house

   Dear hefty girl Walmart shopper. It may feel like summer, but your shirt and shorts are way to small. You look like a half open can of biscuits.

   They should change the sound of the new chip card machines . Make me panic and think my purchase was denied. Put a ding on on it or some thing make me think I won something

   I threw my bra on stage at a concert once. It landed somewhere in the flute section.

   The media is terrible!!! They should have really help that beached whale (Christie) back into the water!! But no!! They just take pics and publish.

   "Jesus loves you" is a nice thing to hear in church. But not in prison.

   What do women want? They don't know. When do they want it? Right now!!

   Happy Valentines day!! Or as I like to call it, Thursday

   Justin Beiber wants to beat off reporters. Only male reporters, Beiber isn't interested in touching females.

   I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.

   1..2..3.. SMILE! "...... "did you take it yet?" "crap its on video!"

   Coffee makes the world go round; love only populates it!

   I named my truck Karma, so if I ever run someone over I can say: Yeah…it was Karma.

   when I was little not only did I have to walk to school..my dad would drive by and flip me off.

   Ironically it's the things people don't say that tell you everything you need to know.

   Today,,,, I feel like I need the vulgarity expansion pack for autocorrect

   I can never invite the neighbors into my house because they might recognize their stuff.