Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes I think that life is one big test...and I'm in the wrong classroom.

   We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.

   I bet Bin laden now reqrets letting his Facebook "Check In" at his current location

   bin Laden's last words..."hey, did you hear your Iphone is secretly tracking where you are, crazy right?"

   saw another of those adverts telling me to send my gold in an envelope addressed to Cash for Gold...... Sorry, but I just don't trust my postman that much.

   Alcohol kills slowly...So what? Who's in a hurry?

   I feel like when someone in a heated argument turns to me and says "You agree with me right?" What they are really asking is "Am I going to have to yell at you like this dumbass over here?"

   If I text with "Almost there!" I haven't left yet.

   I'd like to thank my ex for making me see how I shouldn't be treated

   It's Official: Both Hillary and Donald are now more unpopular than wearing Crocs with socks.

   My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber.

   Theoretically if China went to the moon and knocked over our flag what would we do about it

   The election has been over nearly 2 weeks and this krap is still going on. Get back to the funny!

   Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn't."

   The label says "Alcohol may intensify the effects of this medication." My question is, is this a warning or a suggestion?

   Just because I disagree with you does not mean I hate you. We need to relearn that in our society.

   You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died

   I wonder if that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?"

   If I was two faced, do you think I'd be wearing this one?

   I don't have bad handwriting, I have my own Font =D