Mickey Funny Status Messages

   The most significant change brought about in the 2ist century is the decline of photographers and photography studios. They've both been replaced.... By camera phones and bathrooms.

   The point in making a point is to actually make a point,

   The sign at the florist's said, "Say It With Flowers." I go in and ordered one rose. The guy asks me if I'm cheap. I go, "No, I'm a man of few words."

   I guess all the leftover Thanksgiving dinner stuff is gone that was in the fridge. I'm telling everyone I quit cold turkey.

   Women on fb. They "Poke" you a hundred times a day. Then they find Mr. Perfect for the millionth time and then disappear...until the big breakup a week later...then the Pokes start up again. DELETE!

   Here are my 4 favorite quotes: " " " "

   Nicky Minaj is like Tang. She's dry, orange, and nobody actually likes her.

   I'm convinced. Some peoples' brains are still on dial-up.

   Dear Rioters, This is not Toys R Us where you can throw a fit in the aisle until you get the toy you want. This is an ELECTION. Hillary LOST. Chanting Fu#k Trump and burning flags WILL NOT change that. You are only proving WHY t

   Facebook Murphy's Law: Profile photo with two women. It's never the attractive one's timeline.

   I picked up a Chinese girl last night at a New Year Celebration...we ended up at my place and things got pretty hot. She asked what I wanted, so I said, "69." She said, "You want Beef with Broccoli?"

   Got a job at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. I start tomorrow. In the Beyond department.

   I never understand when people say that the Mona Lisa was Leonardo da Vinci's best work. He was pretty damned good in the Titanic if you ask me.

   Of course I wanna go to my high school reunion! There's nothing I'd rather do than waste hundreds of dollars and precious vacation days, just to hang with a bunch of people I couldn't stand. And still can't.

   Some people suffered in their youth which helped them succeed later in life. For example, if Bill Gates had gotten l@id in high school, there would have been no Microsoft.

   Men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color and we have no idea what mauve is.

   The way I see it, is if there were no men in the world, the planet would be filled with nothing but happy fat women. And a shortage of batteries.

   If you use expressions such as: "My hubby ate four of the cupcakes I made...the little piggy!" Please delete from your friends list.

   A rhinoceros walks into a bar wearing a top hat and orders six Jägerbombs and...you should be ashamed of yourself for expecting a punchline. It's obvious this rhinoceros needs help.

   You want to gauge how dumb people are these days? No, don't look at Dept. of Education stats, SAT scores or even IQ's. Listen closely to someone ahead of you at a fast food drive thru place an order.