Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I confused the words “tinker” and “tinkle” and my neighbor no longer wants help with her computer.
←Rate | 05-05-2019 13:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: She really needs to calm down. Alcohol: You should tell her.
←Rate | 05-17-2018 23:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching all these Hollywood people pretend they didnt know about Weinstein is some of the best acting they’ve done in years
←Rate | 10-12-2017 13:30 by CrackY Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a guy says "I'm Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
←Rate | 09-16-2017 22:22 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Shouldn't there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel's mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man's shed?"
←Rate | 07-11-2017 09:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend of mine asked what it's like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
←Rate | 12-13-2017 09:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.
←Rate | 11-13-2017 05:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer. That's all.
←Rate | 12-08-2017 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 06:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.
←Rate | 12-18-2017 10:54 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I wanted you, but couldn't find the cheat codes to the game you playing.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn't want to hear. "Who was that?"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 17:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Aliens probably lock their doors when they ride past earth.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I used to have an imaginary friend, but now thanks to Facebook I have hundreds of them!
←Rate | 12-18-2018 22:45 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you work hard, save your money, go out and buy that expensive thing you've always wanted, then your lazy friend says "Must be nice."
←Rate | 02-26-2019 06:42 Comments (2)  


   messageicon No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn't get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn't brushed her teeth in forever
←Rate | 04-13-2018 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
←Rate | 07-19-2017 07:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Silver Lining: A 350 credit score prevents Identity theft! just saying
←Rate | 11-10-2018 22:22 Comments (0)  




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