Sully Funny Status Messages

   In honor of 11/12/13..... I will buy beer for any 11, 12 and 13 year olds that ask me.

   Will and Jada splitting, 5.8 earthquake in DC, and now Hurricane Irene as a possible Cat 4 landfall this weekend??? Lord have mercy............

   Twas the morning before Christmas & all across Facebook, friends awake, houses aglitter. Coffee in hand pondering this day & the things that matter.....

   Can someone let Zanesville, OH know they still have 1 wild animal on the loose!! I think they call him Barack Obama........

   Why haven't we seen a photo of Rep. Weiner's backside? Can't have a wiener without a bun.......Right??

   FBI announced the Scarlett Johansson photos are illegal. Holly Sh*t!! That makes me Public Enemy Number One.........

   I missed Obama's speech....Someone please tell me there will be a rebroadcast translation of Obama's speech into Pirate speak this afternoon??

   Anyone up for making some "debris", throwing it into the Gulf of Mexico after midnight, and saying that we found the missing plane? #AprilFoolsJoke

   I believe Manti Te'o but it seems like no one else does. I've been arguing about it all morning with my imaginary girlfriend Tina

   I always wondered what a ''Chimichanga" was. Just found out. It's a bad case of diarrhea....

   Shorter Obama: "if you go dumpster diving behind your insurance company and you find your old plan and they say you can keep it. Period!!

   I'm still hoping Nike will one day come out with an Air Jordan belt....

   I'm not here today. This is a holographic representation of me, have a good day....

   Report: Buffalo is running out of beer...guys we are basically district 12 from the hunger games...the end is ne

   Silver for Phelps : ( Someone should have taped a blunt to the other end of the pool, then he would have won the gold.

   I wonder what Rebecca Black thinks of Samoa skipping out on Friday?.......

   Being swallowed by a sinkhole is a bad way to start the day. At least he gets to avoid the sequester...

   *spills beer on trick-or-treaters* No [hiccup] we're out of Snickers & Fun Dip & [hiccup] No Twix either. You want these seeded grapes or not?

   Sometimes I wish Tony Stewart would run me over....... #Hangover

   I ate all my girl scout cookies : ( , roughly the weight of two girl scouts.......