BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle

   If you don't think anyone loves you or cares about you, gimme me a call...I'll confirm that for you.

   BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them. 

   I hate it when my boss calls my name and I automatically think "What the hell did I do now?"

   Ladies, it's not that there are no good men out there. It's just that you turned down 6 of em that wanted a chance to treat you right and you chose the a$$hole.

   They will take you for granted as long as they know you will always take them back.

   There's a difference between who we love, who we settle for, and who we're meant for.

   It is amazing how many problems you can solve by ignoring them.

   Sometimes when your sad, no one cares. Sometimes when you cry, no one sees. Sometimes when you leave no one notices. But fart just one time.

   Teenage: have time & energy but no money Working age: have money & energy but no time Old age: have time & money but no energy! ~

   Why do people put their relationship status as " its complicated "??  We all know that means ur single but still doing ur ex.. why advertise that???

   What has 15 legs and 9 teeth? The checkout line at Walmart.

   An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea.". Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it.".

   To skip any youtbue ad just change ‘youtbue’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.

   Every time you speak, I feel my brain cells committing suicide one by one.

   Whenever I wake up on my own, I am automatically thrown in a panic of whether or not I slept through my alarm.

   Relationships nowadays: First month, I love you baby! Second month, we are forever! Third month, Single.

   I cant take this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge, you are coming to my room.

   Why do the people that should never reproduce have the most kids?!?!

   I am pretty pissed that the NSA is monitoring 75% of our Internet traffic, and yet still hasnt responded to my invitation to Candy Crush.