BEGO Funny Status Messages

   At least your tax dollars are helping the secret service get laid.

   If you're constantly posting “loving my life!” as your Facebook status, you're probably not.

   Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.

   Every guy thinks catching the girl he loves is an amazing accomplishment. Actually, catching the girl is the easy part, keeping her is the real accomplishment.

   I wish people on FB would just write, "I'm dying for attention! Please comment on this!". Instead of all the dramatic posts with only half the situation given.

   When I'm at a restaurant I like to ask the waiter, “What's your most frequently photographed entree?”

   Trust me, as you get to know me, I just get weirder.

   Katy Perry: Blue hair. Nicki Minaj: Pink hair. Rihanna: Red hair. Lady Gaga: Green hair. OMG, the POWER RANGERS are back

   Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.

   For all of those that think alcohol is a problem... according to Chemistry: Alcohol is a solution. Thanks science!

   FB lesson number #1. If you don't want people to in your business, stop posting it on your status.

   I don't trust anyone who chooses a side salad over french fries.

   We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

   I need to go to Walmart but I can't find my pajamas.

   Every time I lose my phone, it's always on either silent or vibrate. How convenient…

   If you spend the rest of your life trying to make up for past mistakes, there won't be any time to make any new ones.

   I wonder what would happen if a witness is asked to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth and they say no?

   That moment you realise you're a result of sex.

   Just when you think you've finally hit the bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.

   Nobody's phone is ever off. They're lying.