g0re Funny Status Messages

   People in relationships are usually okay with cold weather because they can cuddle but lonely people are like fml it's cold.

   "On a scale of 1-100 how immature are you?" "69"

   Instead of playing hard to get, play hard to forget.

   Laughter is a wonderful sound. It cheers you up, it holds you up, and makes you believe that a simple sound can make unwelcome emotions disappear

   Best way to handle insults? Accept them! ex: "You're so ugly!" "Tell me about it." or "You're an idiot!" "Yeah, it's a problem..".

   My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It's going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.

   When you have a bad injury, and someone asks you if it hurt, saying "No it didn't hurt. It felt amazing; like two rainbows having sex" is a perfectly acceptable answer.

   Every girl has a unique "mean glare" they do when they're ticked off. Nearly every guy on the other hand, all have the same "are you kidding me?" emotionless expression when they're angry

   "You're tall. Do you play basketball?" "You're short. Do you run under tables and kick people's shins?"

   A relationship is like standing on wet cement..The longer you stand the more difficult is to leave & even if you leave, you leave your footprints behind.

   The planet Saturn = 7 rings, Michael Jordan = 6 rings, Kobe Bryant = 5 rings, LeBron James........... Just a headband

   It would be amazing if all restaurants had to end their URLs with ".nom"

   These ‘energy saving' light-bulbs are rubbish. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.

   Earlier, I recieved a chain mail message that said that if I don't forward it to 50 people within 3 hours of reading it, a little dead girl will appear next to my bed at midnight. I haven't sent the message on to anyone. Looks like I'm getting laid tonigh

   Whenever I'm frustrated, I like picturing my enemies being d!ck-slapped in the face. ..not by mine of course. I wanna hurt em, not kill em

   I would love to hear more music that is not about sex or even love, because there is other stuff in life.

   Saying "dude." before you say something important.

   There would be less drunk driving in the world if Jack In The Box delivered.

   The only difference between me and much of the rest of the world is that I admit I'm crazy, whereas they are in denial.

   "Ho ho ho" would be more appropriate as a Halloween greeting.