Funny Status Messages

   The weather temperature when from 90 to 55 like it saw a State Trooper.

   I'm surprised the weather channel hasn't started naming the caravans......

   Today is International Women's Day, It was supposed to be yesterday, but they couldn't get ready on time !

   A home-made Father's Day gift from your kids seems nice until you remember kids in other countries make Air Jordans and iPhones.

   I dont usually like to brag about my finances, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding

   If Mama Cass had shared her sandwich with Karen Carpenter they both might be still alive today.

   I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

   Jimmy Kimmel asked Americans to find North Korea, but they pointed at Canada. Are we really this stupid?

   The guy below doesn't seem to get that everyone knows he posts nonsense.

   My definition of clean living is mixing my Jack and Coke with my pinky since it's touched less gross stuff than my other fingers.

   If you plan your own birthday party, you really don't have that much to celebrate.

   The wise make good use of prosperity. The stupid buy a $2,000 car and spend $5,000 on rims.

   Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control

   I think some people just shouldn't be allowed reproduce because of their IQ level.

   Whenever I drop something edible I just call my dog over to clean it up.

   one of my biggest fears is to look out my window at night and see someone staring back at me.

   My math teacher accused me of cheating, I can't help that my english teacher is hotter.

   Here in America we pay homeage to our Presidents by gathering at malls and walmarts giving back our tax returns

   It's extremely frustrating when you spell a word so incorrectly that even spell check isn't able to help you out.

   Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.