Funny Status Messages

   Girls say they want a fairytale wedding but when I bring in the evil witch queens and the enchanted frogs, now she changes her mind

   Single men: To keep on enjoying your carefree life, never utter the words "I DO"

   Hello. HP? I'd like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.

   I already finished my chocolate bunny. Next year I want a chocolate moose.

   Fun fact: Hostess Twinkies are 88 years old. (4/06/30) They were first filled with banana cream filling. But change to a vanilla cream filling do to a banana rationing during WW II.

   "I'd love to be your widow, someday" - me flirting

   ;) A mistress is someone between a mister and a mattress

   Welcome to Assumption club I think we all know why we're here...

   Parenthood is the scariest Hood you will ever go through.

   If people would just give ugly people a chance and date them too, catfishing wouldn't be a thing.

   Word of the Day: Hippocampus - A college or university where a significant number of students are overweight.

   I believe in Santa! but I'm not so sure if he believes in me?

   Any tree can be a Christmas tree if you yell at your family around it.

   I don’t even care who wins this Maroon 5 concert

   Ladies in Atlanta this weekend, every big dude is not an NFL player, don't get knocked up by the cook from Waffle House

   I want to go big AND go home.

   What kind of psycho wears pants in their own home?

   filled the lip gloss with crazy glue, it is gonna be a quiet and peaceful week for sure.

   Dude! That cross-eyed girl at the bar is looking at you...... And me...

   Uh oh. My car's GPS asked me, "Who's Siri?"