Funny Status Messages

   There should be a reality TV show where anti-capitalist millennials are questioned about what kind of government they want and then sent to a country that closely resembles their version as closely as possible and forced to live there for a few months.

   the coronavirus pandemic taught me that life is short and politicians are willing to make it shorter

   I think I have this figured out .... politicians are a bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for the rich people by telling the poor people that the "Other" rich people are the reason they are poor.

   When you think about it, isn't egg salad really chicken salad?

   When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.

   I just spilled my protein shake all over myself and all I’m saying is a donut would never do this to me.

   Half my Facebook friends have just become immigration lawyers within the past week!

   Even looking at LinkedIn's logo can result in an unsolicited email.

   Beginning to question my plans to go yachting with Robert Wagner this weekend.

   Better vote right on all the left stuff and left on all the right stuff every ten minutes. I’m extremely immature.

   The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.

   A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.

   Parallel lines have so much in common, it's a shame they'll never meet

   From the size of the crowd I would say wrong again .

   Elon Musk should be awarded the Gold Medal of Freedom.

   Love may be blind, but It doesn't have to be stupid.

   Big misunderstanding: I wish someone had told me ahead of time that I wasn’t required to disrobe at a “Gender Reveal Party”.

   30 seconds into Taylor Swifts new song I started hoping Kanye would interrupt her.

   I need to start eating healthy but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so its not there to tempt me

   Hey kids, try the real Tide challenge. Get off your butt and wash your own clothes and fold them.