snotty Funny Status Messages

   What's the cheapest kind of meat?... Deer Balls, They're under a Buck!... *Drops mic.,, Cries behind stage*

   "Sorry... Sorry... Sorry... Sorry... Pardon... Sorry..." Canadian bumper cars...

   My wife and I just renewed our vows of celibacy.

   He's making a list,, and checking it 42 times,,, then washing his hands 11x,, and finally touching the sleigh 3x for good measure...: OCD Santa

   One thing I've learned about myself after all this time on Facebook is that I have no idea how to use a comma.

   My wifes poor ovaries.. They keep producing eggs, like those Japanese soldiers on a Pacific island who don't know the war is over.

   Hey Jessica Biel,,,,,,,,, Please,, Please,, Please,, name your kid Batmo

   A sitcom after all the years away from television proves again that Michael J Fox is one of the true movers and shakers of entertainment.

   *eats apple while maintaining eye contact with doctor*

   Ain't no sandwich when she's gone... Ain't no Sub when she's away..

   My kids are Half-British and Half-Southern......... I pray for their teeth everyday.

   I think Web MD is like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book where the ending is always cancer.

   Trying to understand some people,,, Is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end...

   I hear boomerangs are making a comeback

   Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.... *If I ever forget my passport, this post doubles as proof of U.S. citizenship.*

   America is shocked & disgusted when Bill Clinton admits he had sexual relations with Hilary.

   Don't forget to wear your best clothes to church because Jesus was all about one-upping your neighbour with fancier duds.

   Just tried to type "HAPPY NEW YEAR" but my phone went with "HAPPY NEW ZEALAND",,, So yeah,,, wishing everyone that.

   Can someone please unfriend me ? My friend count is on an uneven number and it is making me anxious.

   Mac & Cheese doesn't contain many vitamins, so it's important you always eat a bunch of it.