Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 10 of 6369
Triscuits are the perfect snack for anyone who has ever wanted to eat wicker furniture.
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04-18-2022 21:49
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When you’re about to spend half a grand shopping online, but then you notice that $15.00 shipping charge…. Not Today!
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04-18-2022 21:49
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If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas!
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01-06-2023 00:54
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FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
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01-08-2023 02:48
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I love to shop, but I’ll never buy your bull.
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01-19-2023 04:16
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“You’re a lucky man” is a nice way of telling a guy you would bang his woman.
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05-15-2022 02:43
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When you tell a joke so funny at work that HR wants to hear it.
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06-05-2022 02:58
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You don’t have to drop to your knees every time you eat a hotdog.
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06-07-2022 02:03
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Laying in bed at 3am and thinking that you should’ve said something different in that argument that you had in 2011.
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06-23-2022 01:23
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Gonna start a page called Older Fans, where it’s just me telling everyone what hurts today and what miniscule task I was doing that caused the pain. Today it’s: My back ~ The rain.
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01-04-2023 02:35
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They said, “Californy is the place we gotta flee,” so they loaded up the truck and moved back to Tennessee.
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01-08-2023 02:55
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If it actually snows, please stay home. Y’all can’t even drive when it’s sunny. Lol
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01-04-2023 02:45
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The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.
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01-11-2023 00:48
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I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in face, but with words.
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07-07-2022 00:58
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I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous.
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07-08-2022 09:08
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I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
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01-19-2023 04:05
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I could really go for a pinata right about now. I’d love to beat the crap out of something and then have some candy.
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07-04-2022 02:56
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If you don’t do stupid things while you’re young, you’ll have nothing to laugh about when you’re old.
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01-10-2023 02:36
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If a woman says, “my nipples are pierced,” the correct response is, I don’t believe you.
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05-17-2022 06:07
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Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’
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05-21-2022 03:35
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