rll Funny Status Messages

   Told my friend if he causes us to go to jail, I am slapping the soap out of his hands...

   My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

   I read some article which said that the symptoms of stress are impulse buying, eating too much and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's what I call a perfect day.

   As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point up

   Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

   I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them.

   The main trouble with mental notes is, the ink fades so fast.

   They say money doesn't buy happiness.....I am guessing you're shopping at the wrong store...

   I read where the main Ingredient of Viagra was Miracle Grow and Fit-A-Flat....

   It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.

   Dear freezer, I get so hard for you. Sincerely Water.

   Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

   Common divorce : $10,000-$30,000, Box of 22 shells $7.28, You do the math...

   relationship status will changed from "married" to " It's complicated " about once a month.. I love my wife....

   It's time to give up jogging for your health when your thighs keep rubbing together and starting your pants on fire.

   Figures, the only time the world beat a path to my door and I am taking a crap in the bathroom..

   Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

   Ah Man! Nothing worse than seeing two flies fornicating on your fresh off the grill, 12 dollar ribeye steak.....Appetite gone.

   Any intelligent man who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.

   Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.