bego Funny Status Messages

   You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.

   I think I just saw the Mucinex family walking out of Wal-Mart.

   I want to be elected president, learn the truth about aliens, and then resign.

   Some of my "friends" on Facebook need to be reminded that high school is over.

   I have to constantly remind myself of the fact that life is too short to waste it on getting mad at idiots

   Dear mom, Please stop telling me not to play with my food. You spent the first 2 years of my life pretending it was an airplane.

   I have a talent for only attracting people I have no interest in dating.

   Where would I be without my mother? Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger.

   I bet our entire universe is just in a tiny glass jar placed neatly on a shelf in an alien child's room as a science project he got a C- on

   When I was kid, werewolves and vampires were scary. Now everyone wants to damn date them.

   I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds, but then I got a Facebook Account and now I'm over it.

   Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.

   Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?

   Accidentally used AOL.com to search for something today. I feel like everyone who works there probably high-fived each other and got really hopeful about the future.

   When people go underwater during movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation. I died at Finding Nemo.

   Dear Fellow Americans, we need to stop making stupid people famous.

   Mark Zuckerberg got married today. His new wife set her relationship status to "CHA-CHING!!"

   How come we live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors & furniture polish is made from real lemons?

   Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.

   On the 14th of December I'm going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up.