Aaron Funny Status Messages
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"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
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03-26-2016 14:36 by Aaron
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Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
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03-26-2016 19:06 by Aaron
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I have my headphones on, but judging by the reactions, that was an audible fart.
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02-17-2013 13:42 by Aaron
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"I already looked there." -Kids that didn't look there
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10-12-2016 21:13 by Aaron
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Sneaking into your house and eating just enough of the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms to make you sad, but not suspicious.
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12-18-2014 12:11 by Aaron
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Google Earth is way cooler than regular Earth.
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06-17-2011 15:51 by Aaron
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You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.
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11-19-2012 19:17 by Aaron
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My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
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07-06-2011 17:42 by Aaron
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Halloween is the by far the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.
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10-29-2011 12:44 by Aaron
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Maybe we should be focussing less on Goldilocks and more on why Mama and Papa bear don't sleep in the same bed anymore.
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01-24-2013 14:24 by Aaron
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I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
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09-05-2013 20:05 by Aaron
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I hate how the iPhone auto-corrects "f**k that" to "yes, dear".
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10-06-2010 12:09 by Aaron
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Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
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06-26-2015 18:31 by Aaron
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I better get to sleep. I have to get up early to call in sick to work.
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10-25-2010 09:26 by Aaron
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It's taken me awhile but I think I'm finally ready to accept that it's not butter
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08-07-2011 02:17 by Aaron
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Its real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
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11-16-2013 19:44 by Aaron
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I've never been skydiving,, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.
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09-11-2012 09:16 by Aaron
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I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I'll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
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08-11-2013 11:52 by Aaron
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I confine my exercise to jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth and pushing my luck.
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10-18-2010 12:31 by Aaron
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It takes police too long to respond to 911 calls. If I get robbed I'm ordering Chinese food and asking them to bring a gun.
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01-28-2011 14:10 by Aaron
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