sully Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa I've been good all year! Ok most of the time. I Mean once in a while. Oh...F*ck it, I'll buy my own sh#t.......

   I'm starting to think that all those hours in school when I practiced writing my autograph was just a waste of time.....

   Global Bacon shortage better be the first debate question tonight, and I WANT ANSWERS! No lies....

   The media is a weapon of mass destruction....

   CNN Breaking news: Due to Government Shutdown, all the aliens in Area 51 have been released......

   Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....

   I'm gonna go old school and drop my status updates in an envelope and start mailing them to all my friends daily to help bail out the Post Office...

   Lost a couple FB friends overnight. Hopefully they just died and it wasn't something I said...

   If time is money.... Facebook owes me like...27 billion dollars...

   I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...

   Boring Apocalypse thus far. Seems like Ryan Seacrest should be hosting a "2012 A-Rock-Alypse Eve" show from Times Square or something.....

   I want you all to know, if I win the Powerball tonight.... I'm still going to show up to Facebook tomorrow.

   I'm guessing if we see pink smoke, that will mean the justices has reached a decision?

   In honor of MLK: I'm going to wash my whites and colors together today.....

   I'm late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-6. I'm thankful for boobs

   Hey NFL,solution to your recent problem,start allowing players to hit each other on the field again......

   Just saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn't it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?

   Quick question.... Who gets all of Gadhafi's cool sunglasses when they catch him?

   CNN Breaking news: Grand Canyon is closed, please don't look if you are driving or flying through.....

   In honor of Presidents Day, I'm making HUGE promises to everyone that I have no intention of keeping...