energypositive Funny Status Messages

   I don't want you to panic but I'm texting from casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was

   people who migrate to another country should be expected to respect that culture as in no flag burning and wishing that OUR troops should be killed. They should be deported or arrested for treason

   "'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say. 'Sort of.' It's just a filler. 'Sort of' - it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, 'sort of' means everything. Like after 'I love you' or 'You're going to live' or 'It's a boy.'"

   "The meaning of the word Islam is 'submission' or 'surrender'. Which makes it surprising that's it's not a more popular religion in France."

   What do you call someone who can't tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle?........... Fat.

   The old believe everything, the middle- aged suspect everything, the young know everything

   Who ever decided that a 1" mars bar should be called fun size must be stupid .. seriously .. when is anything that is only 1" long fun. I mean come on, you need at least half a dozen to fulfil your needs

   A women's work is never done.especially is she asksk her husband to do it

   Hi, I was just curious cause I saw you noticing me so I'm just giving you a notice that I noticed you after you noticed me. Shall we chat or continue flirting from a distance?

   First love is when you meet in the moonlight and you find her lips pressed against yours. Married love is when you meet in the kitchen and she finds your trainers by the sink.

   india foxtrot yankee oscar uniform charlie alpha november uniform november delta echo romeo sierra tango alpha november delta tango hotel india sierra Charlie Oscar papa yankee alpha november delta papa alpha sierra tango echo tango oscar yankee oscar uni

   Technically, shoplifting from the Apple store only counts as scrumping."

   The American military now have so many warships that they're running out of patriotic and nostalgic names to call them. This culminates next month in the launch of the USS Fonzie."

   Our government is now blue/yellow. A bit like Ikea, except things from Ikea generally last 5 years