SKoop Funny Status Messages

   It's always the ugly girls who are feminists

   :You know that saying "Once you go black, you never go back"? Well I tell you, it sure does not apply to licorice.

   :I think I'm going to start calling other white guys "my Cracker" And get angry when black guys say it... No?

   I don't wallow in self pity, I drink through it like a real man.

   :My girlfriend and I both think she's put on some weight. The difference? She's the only one who says it out loud. Yes, I'm smart

   :The guy behind me has a theory that driving his car up my azz will make the 20 cars in front of me speed up.. Hmmm,, It's just crazy enough to work...

   : I farted while lifting a heavy object today. It was very embarrassing. I had to apologise to the man at the next urinal.

   :Shout out to single moms (because I know they put out).

   Now they're saying cigarettes can cause rectal cancer. I'll be okay though, I'm always very careful to put them in my mouth.

   ❒Single ❒Taken ✔My right hand.

   :Men, we all know the real reason there's always one missing sock. Shame. That's why.

   I keep my standards low, so you don't have to!

   You know you are in for a sh!t day when you're sitting in the waiting room of an abortion clinic with your girlfriend & your wife walks in.

   :Medical fact: If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle she'll probably suck it as well!

   :If I had a penny for every time someone called me a retard... Well... My sh!t would probably be full of half digested pennies.    

   : Nothing in the world is more obnoxious than a middle-aged white woman on her second glass of wine. Seriously, calm down

   I told my wife "you're like a drug to me." "Aww because you're addicted to me?" she said. "No because you're ruining my life" I replied

   Every time I go on vacation, my wife gets pregnant. I should take her with me next time.

   Teen pregnancy could easily be reduced if clubs had better lighting...

   What goes "mhau namih uh bah booh"? A deaf woman when your standing on her foot apparently.