LauraP Funny Status Messages

   When we start seeing our posts used by comedians...It's time to band together and sue!

   If I ever have to pay FaceBook to see what my friends are up to, we will be meeting back at the bar!

   Do you think once Mark Zuckerberg gets enough friends he will stop screwing with FaceBook?

   The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

   To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

   Why does a squirrle swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry...

   Mr. President, now that we have the birth certificate we will need your SS#, credit card #'s, bank account #'s and all pins and passwords...Thanks Donald

   Going to start living like a dog...If I cant eat it or play with it....I will piss on it and walk away

   A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.

   suing Trojan...It didn't blow my hair back!!!

   If you like mine, I'll like yours. Status people...talking STATUS!

   A mind without laughter is a dangerous place to pitch a tent...

   It's no wonder I am claustrophobic.I like fresh air, open space & my head out of my a$$....Unlike slow drivers in the fast lane driving w/the blinker on for miles :(

   children are God's way of punishing us for having sex.

   When you enter a relationship, it's as if you sign a contract that says, “I give you 70% of my feelings. I acknowledge that you can play with them, make them feel good, and I also acknowledge that you can freaking destroy them.”

   Sometimes I wake up grumpy, and sometimes I let him sleep!