@CarlosdRooster Funny Status Messages

   read McDonald's McRib sales are leading the charge for rebuilding the American economy. Sliding in second: toilet paper.

   I found out I don't have testicular cancer. My dentist told me after I woke up. Nice guy, he didn't charge me.

   Sex is a great way to calm down after a long, stressful day at work. Being a good friend, I'm always available to provide relaxing support.

   I'm not into bestiality but sometimes I want to have sex with Sarah Jessica Parker.

   You know your poop was good if a few minutes after you flush, your toilet burps.

   Unbelievable. Rodney King has to die before the world found out he owned a pool.

   I can sponsor a child for $.79 a day, but it costs me $2.99 a minute to chat with my "special friend"! Sorry poor, starving children. Its a tough economy so daddy needs his sexy talk.

   I'm wearing my Sketcher Shape-ups, or as I affectionately call them: Can't-Get-Laid(s).

   Oops. Out of milk. Guess who's having disappointment for breakfast...:(

   I hope some brilliant people find a cure for every major disease, because I refuse to walk 5Ks.

   Don't download the new Helen Keller ringtone. The volume on my phone was all the way up and I still missed 7 calls yesterday.

   If your friends always ask you to take pictures, are they not also implying you're too damn ugly to be in those pictures?