Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The problem with quotes by famous people you see on Facebook is you never know if they're authentic or not. Albert Einstein,

   I just want to make you hot. Mess your hair up. Get your blood flowing. When I chase you around the house over the last piece of pizza.

   Now that Valentine's Day is over and cake candy and flowers are 50% off, if anyone's interested I'm single!

   I avoided the fat little chubby kid with wings carrying a weapon and marking myself safe after The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre.

   Just remembered that it's Halloween and won't be getting any trick-or-treaters this year, which is all good as I might need my fast food condiments to help survive the Coronavirus.

   millennial: I wish for death boomer genie: did you say debt millennial: no boomer genie: too late

   Whoever said "Rome wasn't built in a day" needed to log out of Facebook.

   we would like some pollen

   Over the top, over the top, over the top. Stop with the Jan Brady already .

   I think some of my friend's have substituted their prescription meds with Facebook to feel thankful during the holiday seasons.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I need a valentine, how about you?

   I think the word alimony should be spelled aliMOANy

   I would love to incite a fight after a UB40 concert.

   Hi, my name's Mike. Mike Unstinx.

   My mom says hunnie your room is full of trash I be like mom my ex isn't here anymore

   Samsung galaxy S10 Will still Touch ground and break If it can't float on the air when I mistakenly drop it, I don't want

   Having babies is the solution to all of the world's problem? Sigh.

   If taking cat naps at work as often as I do had anything to do with it, then I'm pretty sure I can sleep my way to the top.

   There have been only two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare. — Tallulah Bankhead

   I need to get back in shape but I'm kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.